To Be Asian: A Meditation Borne From Xanga
[ARCHIVE: I wrote this a week after getting a xanga site. The only thing I don't like about it is you can tell I'm trying too hard to legitimize my computer knowledge (actually spelling it n00blet, typing fsck). The xanga site's still there, and updated regularly. It's mostly offhand remarks and such though.]
Xanga is pretty much your typical personal blog portal. Most of the pages housed there are personal in nature, rather than being sprawling pr0n entertainment sites or dry news pages. It ranges from the average to the emotionally typical to the intellectually offensive*. I'm not really sure where I fit in/would be categorized. But one thing I can say is that I at least try to sound competent when I speak. I mean come on, would you honestly want to look at an archive of your website (as one might look upon an old diary) and see:
"skool was boring hahaz umms cold and freezin haha i got a sore throat now =( wellz its frum every1 else hahaz"
I mean really. Kill yourself. You'll die of embarrassment later if you don't so just save yourself the trouble. Content is different. Content I won't judge or touch with a forty foot pole because it's the discretion of whoever's site it is. If you deem it appropriate, more power to you. But at least write it at a higher English level than an AOL n00bie. It's the equivalent of the congenial idiot who holds his gun sideways for no reason other than because he thinks it looks cool.
I guess I'm one to talk. I'm Asian, after all. Or something. My race is the largest perpetrator of this brand of idiocy. It's not the gangsta wannabes, or rather it IS, because a great deal of the gangsta posers are what? You guessed, ASIAN. I mean what's that all about? Since when did being Asian mean acting like you're an inner city child despite being raised in a comfortable suburban life? How did Asian Culture begin to mean that your entire wardrobe had to consist of clothes that were solid black, white, brown, or shades of the three? Who decided that to be true to your Asian roots, you were limited to having only Asian friends? Come the fsck on, people. There's a difference between being Asian and being "Azn," and while they aren't exclusive to one another, it doesn't mean they're totally inclusive either.
I bring this up because it's affected me directly. There have been times that Asians have shunned me because I dress more like a skater than an "Azn." It's true; they gave me this condescending look, and muttered insults, calling me "Twinkie" and "Banana." The terms are for Americanized Asians, who are yellow on the outside (skin color supposedly) but white on the inside. While the labels don't offend me anymore (it did for a while), I still feel a certain amount of bile rise in my throat whenever a similar situation presents itself. What right do you have to judge people that way? Can you speak your native language fluently, not just chide people who can't? Don't you think it says something about yourself that you prefer to date white girls? Is it really that bad to hang out with friends that aren't Asian?
Now, I've used the terms Twink and Chink myself, but never in a derogatory, exclusionary way. It's a term of affection between me and my friends, like the N-word that people use. And anybody who's spent at least five minutes... okay, ten minutes... fine, an hour with me knows that race is never something I discriminate with. And thankfully, I've met many people that don't buy into the whole "Fly Azn" stereotype. But every now and then, I see the Azn entourage walking across campus, with their snooty looks and their elitist ways, and it makes me want to take a metal bat to each and every one of their heads.
*[Some of the linked blogs have since changed/shut down. I actually like Cosmic Log now. Does that say more about the blog, or about me?]
